By Nat Ferguson and Kristen Lunman at Powrsuit
Been given feedback about your lack of executive presence? Oh, c’mon, smile; your resting bi*tch face makes you unlikeable. Don’t get emotional, it was just a joke. There’s a good girl, now could you get me a cuppa?
How’s your blood pressure? That was enough to get ours boiling.
Microaggressions are small acts with big consequences. They’re subtle interactions that send a strong message: you don’t belong here. Unsurprisingly, they’re usually aimed at underrepresented groups.
Why not just report microaggressions?
In many countries, discrimination and retaliation are illegal. We should be able to report microaggressions without fear of backlash or reprisal. However, the 2023 Deloitte Women @ Work study found almost half of women surveyed had been victims of microaggressions and/or harassment last year. Most of them didn’t report it.
There’s often a good reason not to: When the comment comes from the CEO, who do you escalate to? What if there weren’t any witnesses? What if there were witnesses, but none of them seemed to notice? Is it worth making a big fuss over a ‘small’ interaction? Will reporting negatively impact your career?
We can’t tell you whether or not to report microaggressions—only you know if it feels worthwhile.
Allies, the maths is different for you
Microaggressions hide in plain sight – often invisible to everyone but the target. This is especially true when it’s disguised as caring. However, those without a vested interest in addressing discrimination are far more persuasive when they stand against it.
Allies, it is your responsibility to pay attention and take action. If you spot something, apply the reversal rule: Would the comment ever be directed to a man? What about a white person?
If it would be weird in another scenario, it’s weird in the current one, too.
Three ways anyone can respond to microaggressions
It’s never your responsibility to defend yourself against degrading, infantilising, or gendered comments or actions. However, doing nothing can leave you feeling powerless. So, it’s a great idea to have a response in your back pocket. Here are some of our faves:
If you hear a disclaimer:
“I’m not sexist, but…” That but is your cue to butt in and suggests that whoever is speaking might want to stop. Sub out ‘sexist’ for ‘racist’ or ‘ageist’, and the same goes – especially if you’re not part of the group that’s about to be targeted (and even if no one in that group is present).
The words: “In that case, it’s probably best for you not to continue.”
If you know the facts:
While the gender leadership gap is barely budging, the idea that the ‘tables have turned’ is gaining traction. We often hear statements like “All you need to get the role/opportunity now is to be a woman!” or “We all know why she got the role”.
These microaggressions undermine years of hard work and achievements. By knowing the facts, you’re in a strong position to spark a realisation.
The words:
● “Yes, it’s great we’ve actively addressed bias in the recruitment process. It makes us all comfortable that she was the best person for the job.”
● “Oh really? What percentage of the board/exec team/panel are women?”
If you have a witty response:
Wit is a weapon against discrimination. Google ‘funny retorts to [insert sexist/racist/ageist comment here]’ and keep some one-liners in your back pocket.
The words:
● Asked where the coffee is? Say, “I’m not sure, but I’d/she’d like an Americano, thanks!”
● Told equal pay will cost too much? Say, “Not if we just lower men’s salaries to what women get.”
● Gestured to shhh? Say, “You first.”
● Told to “smile more”? Say, “Only if you tell me/us a joke”
We know, we know, these won’t work in some power dynamics. So, there’s one more way to respond to microaggressions at work…
Turn the tables:
Pretend to have misheard. Put the onus on the person who said it to say it again. They are now in the socially awkward situation of repeating or justifying their comment – which might suddenly feel like a bad idea. You could receive a flustered doubledown or an on-the-spot apology, without having to defend yourself at all.
The words:
● If referred to as a ‘good girl’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘missy’, etc? Say, “I didn’t quite catch what you called me/said; could you please repeat it?”
● When asked to smile more? Say, “I didn’t hear what you asked me/them to do. Could you say it again?”
● Overheard a sexist ‘joke’? Say, “I didn’t understand. Could you explain the joke?”